People get confused when we say we live in a commune. Who lives in communes these days? No one. It's the year 2008. We're New Yorkers. We have cell phones and are snarky. Communes exist out in the woods with people who don't shower enough and grow their own food and are hopelessly earnest.
Wait a second. I don't shower enough and grow tomatoes and peppers out back. Shit. Bad example.
I admit, it's an unusual commune. There are only three of us; we used to be four, but we lost a member and never replaced her. We knew each other before we moved in together: Uncle and I went to school together, as did Kate and our former member. We don't live on forty acres in the woods, but in a three-bedroom apartment on a nice, quiet Brooklyn block. What we are is a household that is organized around principles of communal living. We are not roommates; we are not three people who happen to inhabit a common space. Although we each have our own belongings, our own lives, our own finances, we are fundamentally one unit, a group of people who have committed ourselves to taking care of each other. A family, to be exact.
We don't organize ourselves around the principle of equality; instead, being good post-Marxists, we go back to the source. From each, according to her ability; to each, according to her need. We juggle rent and grocery percentages, collectively budget for family vacations, and have a massive, never-ending chore chart that divides work by who has what time when and who has what talents and skeeves. (They won't allow me to do laundry, because I believe that it all comes out the same way no matter how you wash it; Kate never has to clean out the drain in the sink.) All together, we manage to piece together a household and a life, and a pretty nice one at that.
As for the baby. Well. We haven't yet sat down and had the major planning conversation yet, but some things are clear. Kate and I are the ones having the baby. However, he is excited; excited enough to read The Ultimate Guide to Lesbian Conception and Pregnancy on the subway, at least. In fact, all three of us are given to random bouts of potential-baby-related squeeing. And once again, it's from each, for each, and we push forward, figuring out where this will take us, knowing that we'll get there together, one way or another.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Thank you very much for elaborating. As someone who whould happily live in a cave and never see anyone (except jay) I'm intrigued by communal living, as it's something I wish suited me - it fits with the way I feel about co-operation, living lightly etc.
Your set up sounds like a great space to bring up a baby.
sounds like a fun life!
vee- a large portion of why we are living in as communal a way as possible is that it fits our politics and our sense of family at the same time. we're very lucky it's working for us. I hope it's a good place to bring a baby: we just did our very first insemination!
j- it is indeed a fun life! we enjoy our home a great deal.
Like Vee said, thank you for sharing! Your baby is going to be surrounded by love.
I have never heard of such a modern-type commune like this before, but it sounds like a really great idea, especially since these days the more traditional kind are a lot harder to run, it would seem. I will keep this kind of commune in mind for when I am older (I'm very interested in communal living)
Actually, I would like to ask you a favour if I may? I am writing a paper on raising children in a commune for my Individuals and Families (psych) class, and it would be helpful if I could ask you a few questions?
I chose the topic because as someone who is interested in living in a commune, it would be good to know about some of the problems that can be faced in communal life, especially if children are involved.
It would be helpful if I could send you some interview questions, and have you, Emily and Uncle answer them. There should be around 10-15 of them. Of course, this is only if you want to do it. You can contact me at prollabee_a_wallabee@hotmail.com, or just reply to this comment I guess.
Thanks in advance if you'd like to help me out!
I just found your blog and am really excited about getting to know your little commune. I grew up in a big, extended family kind of commune (aka my parents' two houses on ten acres and whoever needed a place to live for a while) in Australia. I loved it and so did my sisters and the other kids.
Post a Comment