Birthrights of Many Kinds

My mom was raised Methodist and my dad Jewish. When they had kids, my mom's mom (Grand Nana) said, "I don't care what you raise them, just raise them something." This was actually remarkably open of Grand Nana, a woman born in 1916 in southern Virginia, who to this day sometimes says things so not politically correct that all her children and grandchildren wince at the same time. My parents went with no religion until I (the older child) was in fourth grade. My brother and I had been attending a Quaker school (Religious Society of Friends) since Pre-K and my parents finally decided to take the leap and become Quaker, my father's comment being that it was the only non-organized religion he had encountered and that worked for him. My brother informed his first grade teacher that he was "signing up to be Quaker." This was actually fairly accurate, as we each were given the right to choose whether we thought this was the right choice for us. Quakers sit in silent worship, believing that God speaks directly to each person and there is no need for the intercession of a priest or minister.

Emily was raised Catholic. She was passionate about her Catholicism, the way she is passionate about pretty much everything in her life. She memorized the prayers, the psalms, the ritual. She very much wanted to be a priest when she grew up. She says that this was clearly the beginning of the end for her as a Catholic. She continued to become more disillusioned with the church over the years. When we met in high school, I began taking her to meeting (what Quakers call church). By college, she had chosen to be a convinced Quaker. I love that instead of "converting" to Quakerism, one is "convinced". Before we were married under the care of Brook.lyn Meet.ing, I transferred my membership and she became a member. X, as the son of two members in good standing of the Religious Society of Friends, is what is called a "birthright Quaker". The first in either of our families.

I have very little understanding of the Catholic ritual, so Emily tends to explain bits of it when we attend services. Today, at Great Aunt C.'s funeral, we sat in the sound proofed children's room in the church (an interesting invention, allowing babies to have fits and not bother the other parishioners) and Emily told X, "Look, honey, now the priest in going to do magic." And to our birthright Quaker son, I think that must be what the Catholic service looks like, magic. A man in a robe sings and waves his hand and waves smoke making machines in the air and informs people he has changed water to wine and bread to flesh. But Catholicism is X's heritage, just as much as Judaism is, so I had better start learning about it, so I can help teach our son his past so that it can inform his future.

You Show Up

We are away from home. For the second time in two weeks, we have driven upstate to be with members of Emily's family. Two weeks ago, we drove up to visit her Great Aunt C., who had been doing poorly. The day we went up, Em's mom called and told us that she had gone to the hospital, so we visited her for two days in the hospital before going home. The hospital staff let X onto the critical care ward, which they probably shouldn't have done, but we greatly appreciated them letting us bring him to visit. He cheered up Great Aunt C., who told Emily that he was beautiful and looked smart (the highest compliment).

Sadly, we are back this weekend to attend Great Aunt C.'s wake and funeral. She died early on Wednesday morning. We rented a car from the same garage and are staying at the same motor lodge (10 rooms down) but life is very different. She was a great lady, so smart and opinionated and passionate. I only knew her a few years, but I miss her a great deal. She and her husband didn't have children, so she was very close to her sister's children, especially Emily's mother. Grandma (Emily's mom) was able to be with her this past few days, which I hope was a comfort, although it was very hard for Grandma.

X doesn't understand what it going on, but brings a smile to everyone's face when he enters the room, which is a very good service he is providing. He slept for about half the wake this afternoon and was then quite content to have Grandpa carry him around the funeral home (which his Great Grandpa used to own) and discuss everything they saw. He has gotten to meet the last of his great aunts and uncles whom he had not yet met, which has been nice. We have tossed his schedule to the wind in the evenings, because it is really impossible to walk away from family early enough to start bedtime at an hour when everyone else is just starting to eat dinner. He is coping admirably and we will get back on the bedtime schedule horse when we get home on Sunday.

Everyone keeps saying how wonderful and thoughtful we are for coming to visit Great Aunt C. as often as we did (which really wasn't that often, just twice in the last year). And Emily and I just keep saying, "But that's just what you do. You show up." I really hope this is a lesson that X learns from us. When it's family (blood or chosen), you show up. It's an over four hour drive and we're broke and renting a car costs a lot, but that isn't the point. You show up.

X is Four Months Old

Dear X,
You are four months old now. I can't even believe it. We went to your four month check-up on Monday and you are 13 lbs 7 oz and 25 inches long. Such a big boy. Okay, actually, you are a long, skinny guy just like your mama. But so much bigger than when you arrived only four months ago.

In the last two months you have done so many new things and gone so many new places and met so many new people. Here are a few highlights:

In December you went with me and Mommy on a visit to several of your oldest relatives. We went to upstate New York and visited your Great Aunt C, your Grandma's aunt. She was so delighted to meet you. She held you and you were particularly enchanted by the bird pin on her sweater. We then went to eastern Massachusetts and stayed with your Grand Nana (Nana's Mom), Pop-Pop (Nana's Dad) and Great Aunt B (Nana's younger sister). They could not have loved you more. You loved being held by your Grand Nana and you and she talked and laughed and enjoyed each other so much! You thought your Pop-pop was wonderful, and enjoyed many good cuddles and he gave you bottles and you took long naps on his chest. Your Great Aunt B. had bought you many new clothes for Christmas and they all looked very cute on you. While in New England, we also drove up to Boston and visited with your Auntie E (mama's friend from college). Although not very experienced with small babies, she thought you were very cool and was very happy to meet you.

In January, you took your first trip on a plane when we went to Florida to visit your Pops. You were very good on your first trip and didn't cry almost at all. You slept a lot on the plane and everyone commented on what a good baby you were. You had a good time in Florida and met many new people. We stayed with Pops and his girlfriend, J and drove to Northern Florida to visit with your Aunt I (mama's friend from college) who was so amazingly happy to meet you that she almost couldn't stand it. You also met your Aunt I's mom and sister. When we returned to Pop's house, your Great Uncle A (Pop's older brother) came to meet you and was enchanted. He took a LOT of pictures with you and held you a lot. While we were in Florida, you also went on your first boat and were a very good little sailor.

In February, we went to DC to meet with other members of the IVP. You got to meet lots of other kids; babies, toddlers and big kids. You laid on the floor with the other three little babies at the gathering and laughed. I think that seeing the other older babies inspired you, because the day we left the gathering and went to our vacation house in Rehoboth Beach, you rolled over from your tummy to your back for the first time. We had a great time in Rehoboth and showed you all the places that your Mommy and I love visiting when we are at the beach.

In the last two months, you have learned how to do many new things. As I mentioned above, you learned how to roll from tummy to back at the beginning of February. Two days before you turned four months, you learned how to roll from your back to your tummy. This is your favorite trick and you do it almost any time we put you on your back. You get frustrated once you are on your tummy, because you seem to have forgotten that you can roll over to your back again. I'm sure you'll figure that out soon. You continue to stand when we balance you any time you can get us to help you. You've started being able to push from a squat to a stand by yourself, although sitting eludes you completely.

You laugh all the time, finding Mommy to be particularly funny and are becoming more tickle-ish. In the last few days, you've started discovering kisses and have made a game of trying to kiss us before we can kiss you. You've started to express excitement when you realize we are about to nurse. You grin with your mouth open. You have discovered the joy of shreiking, exploring your voice and learning new sounds. The concept of "indoor voice" eludes you completely. You are absolutely enchanting.

Much love,
Mama

Florida from Brooklyn

I find it a bit sad, but I'm declaring an amnesty again, so that I don't stop writing because I missed a few days. I tend to miss one day and then feel guilty and keep skipping and that's how I didn't blog for months and months the last time. So...

Florida was actually pretty awesome. Seeing my dad happy was really pretty cool. He held X a total of three times, all of them instigated by J or me, but he talked about how cool a kid he was and what a good baby all the time and mentioned several times that he thought I was a wonderful mother. I've had a difficult relationship with my father over my teenage years and beyond and it is nice to be slowly digging out and starting over.

We spent two days in Jacksonville during the trip visiting my college friend and our former commune member I, who was so excited about X. It was really sweet to see her interact with X. She really is the perfect Auntie. Every kid needs someone who thinks they are miraculous and special (who isn't Mom!) On the way to Jacksonville, we recreated part of our honeymoon trip up the east coast of Florida. We stopped in Meibourne and Daytona Beach.

X coped very well, all things considered. We were on the road from 10am to 8pm, and although we stopped frequently, that was really asking a lot of him. At the end of the trip at 7pm, we ran out of bottle (on car trips, we bring bottles of expressed breast milk, so he can eat while I drive) in the middle of his snack and he started screaming so loudly that we couldn't hear each other talk. I had to pull off the highway, park at the gas station and nurse him in the back seat of the car in order to calm him down and get him to stop screaming. But he did stop screaming and fall asleep for the night, so it ended well.

X also got to meet his Great Uncle A, my father's brother, who was in Florida at the same time we were. He lives in Michigan, on one of the great lakes, so this is his yearly retreat from the cold weather. He was enchanted with X and held him many times and wanted to take infinite pictures.

We flew back to Brooklyn tonight and got in a few hours ago. I don't like flying and we had to circle JFK for 45 minutes before landing, which I was not thrilled with, but now I don't have to fly again until August when we do our west coast trip. I need to work on the flying thing before X notices my anxiety. Ah, more things to work on.

Nana Comes Calling

My mother, X's Nana, came up to visit for part of the weekend. We first heard of this visit on Wednesday night, when she called to ask if we had plans or could she come up for the day on Saturday. This was later extended to include driving up Friday night (and I do mean night as she did not leave her house until 10pm.) I do like that my mother feels comfortable showing up for a day, sleeping on our inflatable mattress, sleeping until 12pm, playing with the baby, going out to a late lunch and dessert (we highly recommend the Chocolate Room), and then coming back to the house, playing with the baby a little more and then driving home. I get along well with my mother; she is one of my close friends, which has been true for most of my life.

What I find particularly nice is that Em feels comfortable with her showing up and staying over randomly. She does not get stressed about her mother-in-law showing up largely unannounced and does not feel the need to perform as she would to a house guest, except for helping feed her and giving her a bed as she would any person in our house.

Now I can only hope that we feel as comfortable when we are at my father and his girlfriend's house in Tampa for a week at the end of the month. We've never stayed at a place he has lived with his girlfriend, since he and my mother separated over two years ago. We will have to see how that goes. Look for many posts during the trip!

Things We Have Done in the Past Month

• Told Kate's grandparents. Upon hearing one of our girl names--which happens to be the name she and Kate's mom share--she said that's what we were calling the baby. Regardless of sex. OK, Nana.
• Told my great-aunt. She thinks we're awfully young to be having children. And it's too close to the wedding. But she's happy. (I love my great-aunt.)
  
• Told the first of our friends. They're all freaking out appropriately, given that we're one of first among our friends to have kids. (The other kid came eight years ago, right out of high school.)
  
• Heard Willa's little heartbeat for the first time. She sounds like a horsey. We heard it for the second time today.
• Willa has become visible to the outside world.
  

• Kate felt the first kick. Last night, when she woke up at 3:30 AM. And a bunch more today. We have bought her soccer shoes already.
• Kate's also had gas so bad she's thrown up. Twice.
  
• Incidentally, I've been writing like a demon. I'm about 7 pages from being done my last semester of coursework, and being able to start in on my dissertation. Whoo-hoo!
• We've been on the road more than we've been off it. Visits to our families, going to a conference and staying with family while there. Thursday we leave for Kate's five-year college reunion. I'm considering making her a t-shirt that says "Yep, it's a bump."
• And I really cannot tell you how many times I've watched this. Or this. Or this.
  

More detailed posts to come. But we wanted to touch base.