Today was another difficult day here in the Commune. Today we tried a new theory of morning and woke him up at 10:30am, thinking that if we started the day earlier, he might nap and/or go to bed at a better hour. Instead, we got two hours of happy sunny baby who smiled and gurgled and enjoyed our Mama/Baby sing-along (our repertoire includes Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, Gonk Gonk Went the Froggy, The Birdy Song, and X's favorite, Little Bunny FooFoo) and then an entire rest of the day of sadness and crying and refusing to nap until he finally collapsed for an hour and a half at 5pm (but only if Mama held him and rocked the ENTIRE TIME) and then was upset for the rest of the evening until nursing to sleep at 10:15pm. We are going to try waking him at around 9:30am tomorrow and if we have another meltdown day, we'll have learned our lesson and discontinue any plan to change his wake-up time from whenever the heck he wants to get up, except on those days when we don't have a choice.
Does anyone who has already done this beginning of establishing a sleep/wake routine have any thoughts?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Raising the Commune Child
Over the last eleven weeks, I have found mothering to not come as naturally as some say it does. I love my son, I think he is wonderful, but I have had some difficulty always putting his needs first, especially at first when I felt lousy from the very difficult labor and was really sleep deprived. Em talks about how she realized as a child that parenting meant always giving the child the biggest slice of cake and never having it yourself and I think that is a good description.
However, as time has progressed and he had become more of a baby and less of a lump (yes I called my child a lump and I am sticking to it) I am finding myself a great deal more at ease with this always putting X first, even when I'm so tired all I want to do is take a nap.
And then there are moments that remind me why I got into this motherhood business. X has had a cold for a few days and this has led to sleeping more at night (yay!), less or not at all during the day (boo!) and being cranky and overwhelmed a great deal. So late this afternoon he was fussing and whining and generally being sad and I had tried feeding and diaper-changing and walking up and down the hall and I could not figure out what to do next and I looked down at my child and really looked at him and thought, "He's just so tired, he doesn't know how to sleep." So I held him very close to my chest and just told him again and again in a soft voice that I knew that he was so tired and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do, but not to worry because Mama knew and she would fix it. And he stopped sobbing and his head fell back against my arm and he fell asleep on my chest, all warm and soft and loose and this is how you are a parent and give them the biggest slice of cake. You just slow down and look at them and realize that sometimes Mama really does know how to fix it.
Of course, there are those moments like the one a few hours later in the day when he screams at you without end and nothing you do works and the cuddle trick doesn't work and when you try to nurse him back to calmness, he screams at your breast and tries to bite you (even though he doesn't have teeth yet) and only Uncle can calm him down and you want to go in the other room and scream but you have to be the grown up... and then Mommy takes over and you pass the child back and forth until nursing is acceptable and he finally falls asleep and you thank God that there is a Mama, a Mommy and an Uncle in this house and this is your Commune Child.
However, as time has progressed and he had become more of a baby and less of a lump (yes I called my child a lump and I am sticking to it) I am finding myself a great deal more at ease with this always putting X first, even when I'm so tired all I want to do is take a nap.
And then there are moments that remind me why I got into this motherhood business. X has had a cold for a few days and this has led to sleeping more at night (yay!), less or not at all during the day (boo!) and being cranky and overwhelmed a great deal. So late this afternoon he was fussing and whining and generally being sad and I had tried feeding and diaper-changing and walking up and down the hall and I could not figure out what to do next and I looked down at my child and really looked at him and thought, "He's just so tired, he doesn't know how to sleep." So I held him very close to my chest and just told him again and again in a soft voice that I knew that he was so tired and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do, but not to worry because Mama knew and she would fix it. And he stopped sobbing and his head fell back against my arm and he fell asleep on my chest, all warm and soft and loose and this is how you are a parent and give them the biggest slice of cake. You just slow down and look at them and realize that sometimes Mama really does know how to fix it.
Of course, there are those moments like the one a few hours later in the day when he screams at you without end and nothing you do works and the cuddle trick doesn't work and when you try to nurse him back to calmness, he screams at your breast and tries to bite you (even though he doesn't have teeth yet) and only Uncle can calm him down and you want to go in the other room and scream but you have to be the grown up... and then Mommy takes over and you pass the child back and forth until nursing is acceptable and he finally falls asleep and you thank God that there is a Mama, a Mommy and an Uncle in this house and this is your Commune Child.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Leaving the Baby (Coming Soon)
A few nights ago I had my first bad dream about going back to work. I won't call it a nightmare because it wasn't terrifying and it didn't cause me to wake up screaming. But it was disturbing and I remembered after I woke up, which I do not usually do.
I am very fortunate in my workplace's current maternity leave policy and when I planned out my maternity leave this summer, I also had an awesome boss (Uncle D for those who have read previous posts) who helped me get the most time without losing all leave for the rest of my year (which ends at the end of October, yay for random ways of doing staff leave, which I can comment on, as I'm the one who keeps all staff leave records for my office). But even having a great leave policy (12 weeks plus whatever other time earned one wants to use, all paid) I have to go back at some point (I am the primary breadwinner in our family, and carry the insurance for all three of us) and that point is coming soon. I've arranged with one of my supervisors (Uncle D having now departed to the West Coast) to go back 2 days a week starting January 22nd and then up to 3 days a week mid February and then full time in March, which is also really great because it allows for a gradual start to going back to work and leave X. And yet...
I don't want to leave my baby. I'm just getting to know him and he starting to seem as if he knows me and when I'm at work I'll get to see him a few hours a day and weekends, which stinks. And yet again, I have to acknowledge that I am so very lucky because I don't have to leave him with strangers, or daycare. He's staying home with his Mommy (Em) and that's amazing that we can do that. In fact, we managed to trade full-time mom status for his first year, with Em teaching his first three months and then when I go back to work she's taking off the spring and summer semesters and dissertating and being with X. And although this leads us to be even more broke then we already are (oy) it is totally worth it and works for Em's schedule with her quest to PhD and I will get over my bad dreams and we will make it work. But I am still sad at the thought of leaving him at home every day.
I am very fortunate in my workplace's current maternity leave policy and when I planned out my maternity leave this summer, I also had an awesome boss (Uncle D for those who have read previous posts) who helped me get the most time without losing all leave for the rest of my year (which ends at the end of October, yay for random ways of doing staff leave, which I can comment on, as I'm the one who keeps all staff leave records for my office). But even having a great leave policy (12 weeks plus whatever other time earned one wants to use, all paid) I have to go back at some point (I am the primary breadwinner in our family, and carry the insurance for all three of us) and that point is coming soon. I've arranged with one of my supervisors (Uncle D having now departed to the West Coast) to go back 2 days a week starting January 22nd and then up to 3 days a week mid February and then full time in March, which is also really great because it allows for a gradual start to going back to work and leave X. And yet...
I don't want to leave my baby. I'm just getting to know him and he starting to seem as if he knows me and when I'm at work I'll get to see him a few hours a day and weekends, which stinks. And yet again, I have to acknowledge that I am so very lucky because I don't have to leave him with strangers, or daycare. He's staying home with his Mommy (Em) and that's amazing that we can do that. In fact, we managed to trade full-time mom status for his first year, with Em teaching his first three months and then when I go back to work she's taking off the spring and summer semesters and dissertating and being with X. And although this leads us to be even more broke then we already are (oy) it is totally worth it and works for Em's schedule with her quest to PhD and I will get over my bad dreams and we will make it work. But I am still sad at the thought of leaving him at home every day.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What a Diffence a Year Makes
Many other people on many other blogs do this interesting thing where they take the first sentence from the first blog post of each month and post them to reflect on the previous year. And I was all, I can't do that, I totally bailed on the blog and then I realized that except for November, I actually can. So why not:
January: A most unconventional household and its adventures in the babyverse. (the intro post of this blog, which we began January 2, 2008.)
February: This is my first Photo Friday. (this one is pretty obvious. it's a picture of our two cats.)
March: So, it's been almost two weeks since the internets have heard from us. (this was an apology for being absent from the blog and recounting our recent adventures)
April: As heard last night on How I Met Your Mother (which is basically one of two sitcoms I actually like, the other being Scrubs, and HIMYM is better now than Scrubs is) last night: (this was a post about our wedding and our Quaker marriage certificate.)
May: Told Kate's grandparents. (also pretty self-evident. grandparents were happy, although not nearly as happy as when they met X this past week.)
June: I took these tests yesterday. (Em talks about masculinity and motherhood.)
July: It's official. Willa's a he. (X is a boy! This post includes a clip from Scrubs featuring "The Safety Dance".)
August: Incidentally, the title of this post should be said to the rhythm of "Hitler never played Risk as a kid" from this clip. (Em expounds on why Dana Scully is a bad mother.)
September: We got a bunch of baby clothes at X's second shower last weekend. (Em talks about the lack of baby clothes with Mama or Uncle on them.)
October: Input: Thirty-six hours of labor after rupture of membranes (birth announcement)
November: (Not so much, please note new baby)
December: Dear X, Today you turned 2 months old. (the first of my X month reviews.)
Having done this exercise, all I can do is marvel at all that can happen in a year. And I can't even begin to imagine what will happen in the next.
January: A most unconventional household and its adventures in the babyverse. (the intro post of this blog, which we began January 2, 2008.)
February: This is my first Photo Friday. (this one is pretty obvious. it's a picture of our two cats.)
March: So, it's been almost two weeks since the internets have heard from us. (this was an apology for being absent from the blog and recounting our recent adventures)
April: As heard last night on How I Met Your Mother (which is basically one of two sitcoms I actually like, the other being Scrubs, and HIMYM is better now than Scrubs is) last night: (this was a post about our wedding and our Quaker marriage certificate.)
May: Told Kate's grandparents. (also pretty self-evident. grandparents were happy, although not nearly as happy as when they met X this past week.)
June: I took these tests yesterday. (Em talks about masculinity and motherhood.)
July: It's official. Willa's a he. (X is a boy! This post includes a clip from Scrubs featuring "The Safety Dance".)
August: Incidentally, the title of this post should be said to the rhythm of "Hitler never played Risk as a kid" from this clip. (Em expounds on why Dana Scully is a bad mother.)
September: We got a bunch of baby clothes at X's second shower last weekend. (Em talks about the lack of baby clothes with Mama or Uncle on them.)
October: Input: Thirty-six hours of labor after rupture of membranes (birth announcement)
November: (Not so much, please note new baby)
December: Dear X, Today you turned 2 months old. (the first of my X month reviews.)
Having done this exercise, all I can do is marvel at all that can happen in a year. And I can't even begin to imagine what will happen in the next.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Baby loves to Dance!
X loves music. One of his many great aunts (he has five on Em's side and two on mine) gave him a collection of baby classical music CDs that her girls had outgrown (generations are fun in Em's family) and every time he listens to Tchaikovsky he relaxes and smiles.
Uncle is a professional dancer and this holiday season he is performing in a show that plays a great deal of Tchaikovsky and has bright shiny lights and colorful costumes. So our two month old baby went to the ballet today. Granted it was a matinee, but I was still impressed at his ability to cope. He smiled and cooed and stood up and swung his hands around and didn't have to be removed once from the theater. I strongly suspect that X will like dancing when he is old enough. That or he will want to play music.
Uncle is a professional dancer and this holiday season he is performing in a show that plays a great deal of Tchaikovsky and has bright shiny lights and colorful costumes. So our two month old baby went to the ballet today. Granted it was a matinee, but I was still impressed at his ability to cope. He smiled and cooed and stood up and swung his hands around and didn't have to be removed once from the theater. I strongly suspect that X will like dancing when he is old enough. That or he will want to play music.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Amazing Child
I am constantly looking at X and thinking, "I did that." I grew this child and brought him into this world (and let me tell you, he fought that arrival kicking and screaming, Mr. Sunnyside up, neck flexed, hand trying to come through my cervix at the same time as his head, so stuck the suction cup came off his head twice). He weighs 11 pounds now and is 23 inches long. He is over four pounds heavier and 3.5 inches longer than when he arrived and he is amazing.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The Confession
So I disappeared for most of my pregnancy. I kept meaning to post but it never quite happened. Emily gamely attempted to keep the blog alive but I was so tired and strangely, I found that having posted constantly about trying to get pregnant, having achieved that state, I didn't know what to say. And every day that I didn't blog, I added a little more guilt to the pile and a little more reason to not get to it the next day.
It's January 1st and I am declaring an amnesty for myself and starting again. I've cheated a bit and back dated X's birth announcement and the first of the monthly reviews that I am hoping to write for him. We'll have to see if this amnesty works. I hope so.
Happy New Year to you all.
It's January 1st and I am declaring an amnesty for myself and starting again. I've cheated a bit and back dated X's birth announcement and the first of the monthly reviews that I am hoping to write for him. We'll have to see if this amnesty works. I hope so.
Happy New Year to you all.
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